tsf36

Alive

In Uncategorized on May 14, 2013 at 6:32 pm

I can feel it all over. It’s in every part of me. There is a longing a burning, so hot at times I feel like my skin is on fire.  I want it all. I always did. I pushed it down. I tucked me away deep away in the reassesses of my mind. I took all the best parts of me and emptied it out so that I could make room for Normal. What the hell is normal anyway? Time has passed and it has been building and building and it’s ready to erupt like a long dormant volcano. Burning and flowing from the top out of control. I don’t want to stop it. I want to just let it go. I want the release. I want the freedom. I want to let it all spill into the world to leave a mark. I do want it all, I want everything. I want to laugh and sing, spill my guts onto paper until my finger bleed. I want to be a great Mom. I want to give my kids the tools they need not only to survive but to flourish. I want, no I need to walk in the garden with my husband seeing every flower, ever blessing and be overwhelmed with love and peace. I want it all. I feel like stomping my feet like a spoiled child until I get my way. My eyes have been opened, my mind awakened to all of life’s beautiful possibilities. I want the world. I want to touch it, see it taste it take it all in until my body is bursting with light. I look now and I see every bird every budding flower every leaf on every tree as an expression of art and love and life. The wind and the rain now seem lovely instead of dreary. I do want it all, not money not fame just life. I want it full and rich and stimulating. Every single day is a gift and I want to open it like a child on Christmas. I want my cup to run over. I want to burn bright and hard. I want to be my own shooting star. To live for those I love and for me simultaneously. I want to feel what it’s like to try hard and fail and succeed. I have wasted so much time. I imagine what I have missed.  I have had a moment in which I felt the sun and I want more. I would love to feel the warmth from the glow of my own light if only for a moment a second.  I want to dream Big. I want my children to dream big. I want them to know what it’s like to live not just exist.

Ts

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